Barbara Abel

The Rewards of Rachel’s House

Empowerment, Inspiration, Life, Self-discovery 1 Response »

May 082012

Homeless and Pregnant

Have you ever wondered who those homeless woman are in the streets of downtown San Diego? Can you identify with the pain of these women? Have you ever felt loss, fear, rejection, or abandonment?

While sharing a meal with the homeless women at Rachel’s House, I learned that there are so many women on the streets, there is a lottery to get into this shelter. Over carne asada tacos, a young pregnant lady looked at me with sad eyes, revealing her loneliness and fear. Her story tore at my heart. I was filled with compassion and attempted to understand where she was coming from. I couldn’t imagine a more empty feeling than bringing a child into this world without a home or the income to care for the newborn baby. Isn’t the feeling of being unwanted the most terrible form of poverty?

I struggled with how to reconcile all the opportunities I’ve been given in my life with the ones that were missing in this woman’s. Why was I so fortunate and she was not? I began to understand that what I brought for dinner was not as important as my contribution of self. This may sound corny, but I have found that the more I am willing to give of myself, the more I get back.

If you come and donate some of your time to these women, you will walk away feeling really good about yourself. I admit I’m kinda lazy, so I don’t visit Rachel’s House as often as I want to, but I can’t think of anything more rewarding or anything that brings me more satisfaction. I do this for self-gratification, and I really enjoy it!

It’s about feeling good here on earth. Making the world a better place is one way to accomplish this. As I read the Ghandi quote over the kitchen table, “Become the change we want to see in the world,” I began to give it some thought. If I want the world to be a more generous place, I need to be more generous. If I want the world to be filled with more joy, I need to bring more joy to others.

Remember, the biggest floods are made up of single raindrops.

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Wisdom from Women

Empowerment, Inspiration, Life No Responses »

Apr 242012

Wisdom from Women

Powerful women fearlessly blaze trails to amazing places in the world, clearing the way so the rest of us can follow their path.

Too often, these women go unnoticed, unrecognized. This video presents a collection of quotes from women who offer sage advice.

Watch this inspirational three-minute clip (requires Adobe Flash) from It’s All About Women.

Do you have a favorite quote by a woman? Please share it in the comments below.

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Finding God in Nature

Horses, Inspiration, Life, Travel No Responses »

Apr 102012

Spring Comes to Alisal Ranch

Spring solstice arrived a few weeks ago, and this weekend was Easter. Those two things gave me cause to celebrate. I pulled on my boots and, once again, headed for the hills.

The smells of sage, wildflowers, sawdust, and rawhide filled me with excitement as I approached Alisal Ranch. As soon as I checked in, I made my way to the stables. I heard the snorts of the ranch stock, the gentle swish of horses’ tails, and the clank of irons as wranglers flung saddles over the horses backs.

I celebrated the arrival of spring by riding in the rolling hills of Solvang, California. Cantering through the grassy foothills, covered in wildflowers and dotted with old oaks and sycamores, I felt at home. I listened to the doves coo, the magpies whistle, and the squirrels squeal. While loping along the trails, I spotted coyotes and even a bald eagle. I was in heaven.

Alisal Ranch—Solvang, California

They say if you can’t find God in nature, you’ll never find him in a church. I found him.

Wishing you all moments where you feel the presence of God, wherever that might be.

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Journaling Puts Your Story on the Page

Empowerment, Inspiration, Life, Self-discovery, Wounded Warriors, Writing No Responses »

Mar 272012

This is part of the beauty of literature. You discover that your longings are the universal longings, that you’re not lonely or isolated from anyone. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald

Journaling Releases More Than Words

I feel very fortunate to be a part of San Diego Writers, Ink. Right now, I’m participating in Micro Memoir, a 4-week class taught by Jim Ruland. Not only is the instructor fabulous, but I also get to I hear the stories of others. Last week, one of the wives from the Wounded Warriors Support Group attended with me to explore how to journal, even if she decides not to publish her story.

Jim Ruland’s creative nonfiction has appeared in The Believer, The Collagist, The Fanzine, Hobart, L.A. Weekly, Los Angeles Times, McSweeney’s, Oxford American, r.kv.r.y, Razorcake Fanzine, and San Diego CityBeat. Jim was recently awarded Grand Prize in Reader’s Digest “Your Life…” contest. He is the recipient of a fellowship from the National Endowment for the Arts and a scholarship from Bread Loaf. He curates the reading series Vermin on the Mount, and is the author of the short story collection, Big Lonesome.

Do you journal on a regular basis? How has journaling helped you?

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Flex Your Communication Muscles to Enrich Your Relationships

Empowerment, Inspiration, Life, Self-care, Wounded Warriors 1 Response »

Mar 132012

Relax. Rejuvenate.

Swimming. Relaxing in the Jacuzzi. Getting massages. As part of an ongoing program, the Wives of Wounded Warriors support group gathered for a day of relaxation and rejuvenation. We enriched our sisterhood over lunch and a workshop, taking away good feelings to carry us over until we meet again next month.

We were reminded to take time to center ourselves, so we can give to others with joy, not obligation. For some of us, centering may be as simple as a few minutes of solitude in the shower or a stroll on the beach.

Center Yourself With a Stroll on the Beach

In a communication exercise that targeted relationship enrichment and self-empowerment, we changed “you” statements to “I” statements. Formulate an “I” statement like this: “I feel _____ when _____ because _____ and I want _____.”

For example, instead of saying “You don’t care about me at all,” try saying “I feel you don’t care about me when you don’t call because I don’t want to be the only one making an effort in this relationship and I want you to reach out to me by calling.”

I wish I had learned these tools when I was a young mom, but they say the teacher arrives when the student is ready!

Remember this: We can’t change other people, but we can change how we interact with them.

Do you have a communication tool that you’d like to share? Comment here.

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Be a Friend to Your Daughter

Empowerment, Inspiration, Life 1 Response »

Feb 282012

“A daughter is a mother’s gender partner, her closest ally in the family confederacy, an extension of her self. And mothers are their daughters’ role model, their biological and emotional road map, the arbiter of all their relationships.” ~Victoria Secunda

Mother-Daughter Relationships Don’t Have to Be Complicated

All mother-daughter relationships are complex! But they don’t have to be complicated. I learned that this weekend when I bonded with my daughter, her friends, and other moms at CU in Boulder, Colorado.

During our time at the university, we sat around the Jacuzzi, rode bikes along the creek, and enjoyed dinner and dancing. Like me, other moms shared their hopes for a closer relationship with their daughters than they had with their own mothers.

I’m grateful that both of my daughters broke the family cycle of marrying young. They became independent women first. Perhaps marriage will come later for them. Perhaps not. What matters is that they are confident and self-sufficient, empowered to do great things.

Over the past few days, I focused on my younger daughter, whose ability to excel in school and enjoy her senior year I greatly admire. As she approaches graduation and enters the “real world,” I hope to be a good listener, to offer my support as she discovers her passions—her dreams—and lives a liberated life true to herself. I admit, I’m a proud mom, but I’m also grateful that I don’t need to live vicariously through my daughter. I’m writing my own script.

Love being her friend and sharing in life’s journeys!

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The first step is loving yourself

Empowerment, Inspiration, Life, Self-care, Self-discovery No Responses »

Feb 142012

Valentine’s Flowers

Happy Valentine’s Day to all my friends!

Treat yourselves to whatever brings you joy. Me? I’m indulging in beautiful flowers, carefree dancing, and spending time with special friends.

Be Mine! Shake It!

Love is a funny thing. You have to love yourself before you can love others. Loving, accepting, and forgiving yourself is the doorway—the entry point—into being able to truly give love. We often distance ourselves from self-love when we feel like we aren’t entitled to it, when we feel unworthy or even guilty. Take the first step. Love yourself. Unless your glass of love is filled to the brim, none can flow over the sides.

Remember this: Every time you take off in an airplane, the flight attendant says, “In the event the cabin loses pressure, oxygen masks will deploy…Please make sure to secure your own mask before assisting others.” This concept stems from Buddhist traditions. Strengthen yourself so you can serve strongly.

Zumba Class Goes Pink

Love yourself.

And share the love.

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Three Tools for Active Listening

Inspiration, Self-discovery, Writing 1 Response »

Jan 312012

This week I attended a writers’ workshop called “Writing from Grief and Taking the Leap.” While I’m happy to say that I don’t have any real grief to fuel my writing right now, I did find the instruction and interaction very helpful. Sheila Bender led the workshop and gave attendees three tools to use when listening to other aspiring writers.

Workshop Woman Practices Active Listening

Listen for words that catch your attention (list them).
Consider the feelings the writer evokes (both positive and negative).
Examine what the writer makes you curious about.

As a writer, I often share my journey of self-discovery, including a little grief along the way. I also share the struggles and successes I encountered as I learned how to love life. I challenge you to become more active readers and listeners by using the tools described above.

What’s your story?

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Getting a life. I’m not just a wife.

Empowerment, Inspiration, Life, Self-care, Wounded Warriors No Responses »

Jan 172012

Keeping the Fire Burning

The Wives of Wounded Warriors support group has some fabulous events scheduled for 2012.

Getting Out of the Box: A professional life coach facilitates a discussion of the book Leadership and Self-Deception. All participants receive the book.
Tools for Holistic Healing: Women learn holistic healing by meditating and performing yoga on the beach. The event includes a pool-side lunch and discussion on healthy self-care.
Intimacy—Keeping the Fire Burning: A marriage counselor speaks on the delicate subject of intimacy and facilitates discussion of this topic on the beach around a campfire with S’mores.
Date Night: Participants get their hair and makeup done by a pro. After being photographed with their new makeovers, the women join their husbands for dinner.
The Language of Love—Non-Violent Communication: A professional speaker introduces the group to Marshall Rosenberg’s video and book on nonviolent communication.
Be Well Spa Day: Participants indulge in massages, a pool-side lunch, and an interactive discussion about the book Who Moved My Cheese.
Journaling-The Power of the Pen: Writers Ink staff helps the women journal for therapeutic healing. They also offer a 6-week class for women who would like to collaborate and publish their stories in an anthology.

Please let me know if you would like to contribute your time to one of these events or if you can offer financial support for these programs for women in need.

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Intentions for the New Year

Inspiration, Life No Responses »

Jan 032012

I have intentions...

The calendar has turned to the new year—a time for reflection and a chance to jump-start change.

This year, instead of using the word “resolutions,” I’m using the word “intentions.” It sounds a little more doable and positive. For 2012, I’m sharing my intentions, goals, and dreams with those closest to me. Maybe this will keep me more accountable as I create the life I want. I call it “outsourcing” to help me live the life I choose.

There aren’t any side pockets in caskets, and, whatever we have, we can’t take it with us. I say, let’s fit everything we can into this life!

What are your intentions for the New Year?

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